These ladies are even more entertaining off the island of Manhattan.
During the nine years of the Real Housewives franchise, the vacation has become a plot standby. It forces the women into a new space, it gets them wasted (or at least more so than usual), and it occurs maybe three-quarters of the way through the season, when tensions have been simmering for a while. This year, the ladies of theReal Housewives of New York hit Turks and Caicos, and the trip has given us so many quotable scenes that we wanted to take a look back at all of their getaways throughout the series—and rank them, of course, because Turtle Time deserves some sort of special recognition.
So without further ado:
7. Montana (Season 6)
Real talk: Who wants to go on vacation to Montana? Okay, maybe you happen to be outdoorsy or want to bike 40 miles or ride horses. These women aren’t exactly camping enthusiasts, though. Not even glamping enthusiasts.
This vay-cay was one of the lamest on record, but it wasn’t a complete loss. Aviva Drescher pisses off the other ladies by opting out, claiming her allergies prevent her from entering the state of Montana. It’s a really gold-star whopper of an excuse, but the best part comes when Kristen Taekman confronts her about it before the ladies leave. Aviva pulls out a bag of pill bottles and starts hurling them one by one at Kristen to prove her illness. That Aviva, always with the props! She loves a prop.
6. The Hamptons (Season 6)
The housewives take the Hamptons jitney on the regular, but there is one particular beach trip that stands out. Heather Thomson has her most memorable moment—or her only memorable moment (sorry Heather, you’re kind of snoozy)—when she fights down a random, drunk “image consultant” at Countess LuAnn De Lesseps’ house. “Don’t tell me anything, mother f*cker,” Heather rages, and finally she has a character trait—and a perfect clip for the season preview.
5. The Berkshires (Season 6)
This was another example of the ladies attempting to enjoy the great outdoors—and failing. With only trees, a lake, and gallons of pinot grigio for entertainment, Ramona Singer turns her annoyance on rookie housewife Kristen. She throws a wine glass at her face, splitting her lip and creating a great excuse for an intense ambulance scene. Were they just hazing Kristen throughout Season 6, or what?
4. St. Barths (Season 5)
The hoity-toitiest of Caribbean islands is the ladies’ happy place, but that doesn’t mean their trip went swimmingly. Aviva has a fear of flying, so she has her husband Reid come with her so he can hold her hand and smooth that amazing blonde hair. The other wives are like, “Uh, chicks before d*cks, uteruses over duderuses,” and are pissed that a husband is ruining their good time. They’re annoyed Aviva can’t just take a literal chill pill to fly, like a good New Yorker; or “TAKE A XANAX. CALM DOWN. TAKE A XANAX,” as Ramona puts it.
And Aviva’s response to Ramona and Sonja’s behavior on this trip is fantastic:
If only we could all be trash in St. Barths. Well, something to aspire to.
3. Turks and Caicos (Season 7)
This season isn’t over yet, but the vacation has already given us so much. Namely, LuAnn bringing home a one-night stand and then defending herself against slut-shaming. Single LuAnn is the best.
Heather seems to express discomfort at the idea of having some strange dude floating around her beach house, and LuAnn excellently shuts down her prim attitude. “Be cool,” she says, rocking sunglasses indoors to help her hangover. Word.
2. Morocco (Season 4)
This jaunt gave viewers everything they could want from a housewives vacation: women out of their element, a timely allusion to pop culture (Sex and the City 2had just come out, with those other New York gals tramping around the desert), multiple blowout fights, hilarious one-liners, and some serious plot development.
In one scene, they take a break from all the camel-riding and chat with a psychic. The fortune teller reveals that Ramona’s husband is cheating on her…which would be confirmed years later. Whoa. Should we all make appointments with a crystal ball?
1. Scary Island (Season 3)
The trip to St. John isn’t just the best RHONY vacation—it’s one of the all-time best Real Housewives vignettes, one of the classic Bravo moments. Andy Cohen should have won a pile of Emmys for his hand in these episodes.
The centerpiece is Kelly Bensimon completely losing it, confessing that she thought Bethenny Frankel was a murderer and Alex McCord was a vampire. Then she starts screaming “Al Sharpton” repeatedly. Bethenny freaks out in defense and screams “GO TO SLEEP!” When even Sonja Morgan is questioning your mental health, it’s time to reassess.
It also gifts us the term “turtle time,” or an instance of bingeing on pinot grigio and dancing all night with your girlfriend, possibly on a yacht populated with younger men. Ramona coined it, obviously, and gave us the below GIF, as well. It works in all situations.